Kathy Foley

May 20th, 2007

Hello and welcome to Vote For Me. Today, our guest is John Joe Bloggs, who is hoping to retain his seat in Dublin East West Central. How are you, John Joe?

I didn’t interrupt you so I’d prefer if you didn’t interrupt me.

But I didn’t interrupt you. You haven’t said anything yet.

Please let me finish. I let you speak.

Go on then.

I’m fine. How are you?

Grand. Now, you’re hoping to hold on to your seat in this election but your showing in recent polls has been pretty miserable. How concerned are you that you won’t win enough votes next Thursday?

The polls tell us nothing. There’s only one poll that counts. No one has voted yet in this election.

But you must admit that it’s going to be a struggle for you to get elected. You’re the least popular candidate in your constituency.

My personal satisfaction rating has always been high. It remains so and will remain so.

How can you say that when all polls show you have a satisfaction rating of less than 1%? Isn’t it true that you are now fighting for your political life?

I’m glad you asked me that question. I welcome all questions and I’m always happy to answer questions on this or any other matter.

You haven’t actually answered any of my questions so far.

The fact is, I stand for openness, honesty and transparency.

It’s interesting you should say that given you are due up in court on charges of bribery, corruption, racketeering and extortion.

At the end of the day, you have to question the timing of this court case. Certain people have a hidden agenda and the Irish people have to see past that.

But the evidence against you is overwhelming –testimony from dozens of reliable witnesses, CCTV, audio recordings, documents, emails…

I’m looking into it. In fact, I shall leave no stone unturned on this matter. The culprit or culprits will be brought to justice.

But aren’t you the only suspect?

I will answer your question but it’s important to make it clear that the Irish people know I am a man of integrity and honour.

Do they really, though? Your opponents have been vocal in questioning your character. They say you’re not fit to represent your constituents.

This sort of negative campaigning helps nobody. They can engage in character assassination if they want to but I would prefer to focus on the issues.

Surely your reputation is a big issue. You have been lining your own pockets for years and have pursued a career in politics purely for personal gain.

That would be a matter for the parliamentary party.

It’s nothing to do with the party and the party has, in fact, washed its hands of you. Your former colleagues want nothing to do with you and your party leader has said you are little more than a common criminal.

That’s not what I’m hearing on the doorsteps.

Do you really expect to get elected in the midst of this ongoing controversy?

The Irish people can make up their own minds. I have every confidence in their judgment.

It seems quite likely that you could end up in prison for a very long time once the judge hands down his verdict.

I wouldn’t rule that in and I wouldn’t rule that out.
 
So why should people vote for you?

With all due respect, that’s a hypothetical question.  I don’t answer hypothetical questions.

No, it isn’t. Why should people vote for you next Thursday?

My father was a great man and served his community well.

Your father was a butcher.

Again, that is not what I’m hearing on the doorsteps.

Now you’re just contradicting everything I’m saying.

No I’m not.

Historically…

If I might come in there, I don’t understand why people like you are still so fixated on civil war politics. We’ve moved on. Ireland has matured as a nation. We’ve had ten years of economic prosperity although, of course, we’ve also had rip-off Ireland and it’s high time people realised all of those things.

Throughout the campaign, you have failed to outline your stance on any of the critical issues of this election.  What are your policies?

Radical overhauls of everything. Lower tax. More public spending. Two thousand more gardai. Double pay for the nurses. Smaller class sizes. Free health care for everyone. More roads. More public transport. A Luas to every town with a population of 1,000 or more. Three new terminals for Dublin airport and a few for Cork, Shannon and Knock as well. Reduce Ireland’s carbon emissions to zero.  Put up the old age pension to €1,000 a week.

You can’t do all that. Those policies are either Utopian or contradictory.  You haven’t thought this through at all, have you?

I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I’ve had my proposals costed by the Department of Finance and the sums add up.

I rather doubt they do. In any case, it doesn’t matter as all of the major parties say they won’t do business with you when the time comes to form a government.

They’re saying that now. I firmly believe I will hold the balance of power when the votes are counted and the horse-trading starts.

But every indication is that you are very unlikely to make the quota. You’re not even at the races.

Four days is a long time in politics. I think a lot of people are in for a shock on polling day.

You have failed to answer any questions or respond to any allegations against you. You persist in waffling at length and using meaningless clichés and stock responses. Are you trying to bamboozle the electorate into voting you back into the Dail?

My record speaks for itself.

It does indeed.

So you’ll think of me on the day? Thanks very much.